A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
