I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
