i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
