I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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