I wish my penis had an off switch
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
