There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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