I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
