You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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