Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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