if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
