yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
