Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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