You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
