I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
