We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please come you make the beer taste better
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
