is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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