So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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