I am spending my child support on dildos
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
