id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My bed smells like the plague
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
