Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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