I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
