for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
