My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
