Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
