I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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