Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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