Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
