I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
