Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
