He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
