3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Gay?
German.
Pity.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
