He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
