Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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