i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
