I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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