Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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