I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
