I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
