Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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