id be glad to
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck appropriateness.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
