I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
