I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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