I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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