At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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