Jerry, you need to find god
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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