the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
