she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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