So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm passing your future prison.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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