Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
