i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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