We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
