Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
