what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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