I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
