There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Drake has all the answers
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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